Only If Necessary

How To Read Books

Anybody who tells you they can’t find time to read is lying.

All you need to doo
is read while you poo

Most people drop a deuce at least once a day, for at least 5 minutes. Therefore, most people have at least 29 hours to read every year1.

However, most dumps are more than 5 minutes. A book might be especially interesting that day. Or you have a bad case of diarrhea. Whatever it is, it is not far-fetched to expect a 15 minute dump at least twice a week. This can add up to 26 extra hours per year2, which amounts to a total of almost 55 hours per year.

How many books does this afford? Most books not named Gravity’s Rainbow can be read in 6 to 12 hours. Therefore, most people have time to read 4 to 9 books a year. All while hitting the can.


  1. (5 min/day) * (365 days/year) = 1770 min/year = 29.5 hours/year 

  2. (15 min/day) * (2 days/week) * (52 weeks/year) = 1560 min/year = 26 hours/year 

Return home